As parents, our number one priority is to keep our children safe. Often this might mean we want to shelter them from certain situations, information, people that we feel are threatening or situations that give us anxiety. But if our children are not exposed to factual information and given opportunities to make their own decisions about safety and wellbeing, they may struggle to cope with the challenges they will face as they grow older.
Now, some of you may be thinking; “how can I keep my child safe while helping them build their independence and confidence especially during challenging times like the coronavirus pandemic?” It sounds tricky, as all we want to do is protect our children. But kids will feel anxious, they will get sad, even angry, so it is important to remember these reactions are normal and a part of life. Parents can help their children cope with these difficult feelings and challenging times by understanding why building independence is key.
Why is Building Independence Important?
Independence is essentially one’s ability to make their own decisions and act accordingly. This could be as simple as choosing what clothes to wear in the morning and putting them on, to more complex decisions about what to spend pocket money on and if it is good value. Children will learn how to make these decisions as they grow, but only if we let them.
Providing opportunities for decision making is crucial. As parents, it can be difficult to ‘let go’ and give way to our children’s desire to explore and find the answers for themselves. When they are infants, we are constantly needed for the basics like nourishment, cleaning, clothing and mobility. But as they grow, their skills grow too, and they can start to do many of these activities themselves. It is our job as parents, to offer opportunities and guidance as they grow, to let them explore their skills and learn life’s little lessons as they go. This process of separation is the starting point for your child to begin building independence and learning the skills they will need later in life.
Independence During Challenging Times
In the case of challenging times, this sense of independence, skill development and the ability to make decisions for themselves becomes more important. Sure, we can continue to protect our children while they are at home with us, but what about in the new and different circumstances they might find themselves in challenging times?
Take the situation surrounding the COVID19 pandemic as an example. It has been a challenging time for everyone, and our children are perhaps experiencing the biggest (external) occurrence of their lives. Not only has this pandemic offered additional levels of anxiety and uncertainty, but our children have had to navigate the closure of their schools, online learning, social distancing, specific hygiene practices, video chats with family and friends, and now, the return to school and all the changes that have come with that.
And when you think about the times that you are away from your children and they are still ‘dealing’ with these challenges, you want them to have the skills to make the right decisions that will ultimately keep them safe. For your child to navigate all of this successfully and build independence, they need the following:
- Support
- Information
- Guidance
- Exploration
- Flexibility
So, how can we give our children what they need and help them be independent in challenging times? Let’s look at how an Occupational Therapist can help children build independence.
How Occupational Therapists Help Children Build Independence
The main role of a Paediatric Occupational Therapist (OT) is to help children of all ages perform their daily activities as independently as possible. This may include tasks like:
- Doing up buttons and tying shoes for independent dressing
- Using cutlery or making lunches for independent eating
- Gaining awareness of emotions and exploring tools to self-regulate
- Recognising social cues and forming / maintain friendships
- Exploring ways to settle for sleep and let their bodies rest
- Learning how to make appropriate decisions about their own health and wellbeing
Through therapy, OT’s can help children:
- Develop self-care skills such as bathing, dressing, brushing teeth, toileting and self-feeding
- Learn positive behaviours and social skills by practicing how they manage frustration and anger
- Interpret and understand the sensory information from their body and the environment
- Adapt and utilise assistive aids and technologies
- Develop fine motor skills so they can grasp and release toys and develop good handwriting or computer skills
- Develop play and social skills during lego or craft groups
- Improve hand-eye coordination so they can play and participate in sport activities, and copy from a screen or board in class
Together OT’s, children and their parents can explore options to create a toolbox of coping strategies. These strategies can be practiced during everyday activities and will help children build a solid foundation for independence. It is this independence that can help them build self-confidence and develop resilience which are important skills to have when faced with challenging times.
How Can You Help Your Child Make Independent Decisions?
We’ve already touched on what a child needs to make independent decisions, particularly in challenging times (support, information, guidance, exploration and flexibility), and the best place to implement these strategies is during their daily activities. Of course, much of their time is spent at home.
Home is obviously one of the best places to encourage independence and teach your children about making good choices while keeping safe. Because you are with them, you can guide them and help them make informed decisions about a variety of things that will affect their everyday. This might include what clothes to wear (for younger children), what food to eat at certain times, how much time should be spent watching TV or playing video games, when should homework be done and so on. It is through these simple decisions and tasks that you can teach them bigger lessons about how to make good choices.
Create a List of Tasks
To make a start on building independence at home, you could create a list of jobs or tasks that your child can do. They may need practice to competently finish some or all of these tasks, but this is a good first step when it comes to helping yourself ‘let go’ of the things you might at times be too willing to do. It also clearly indicates to your child that you think they are up to the challenge (remember independence and confidence go hand in hand).
Keep Your Child Informed
Information and communication are important components of building independence, especially in difficult times. Children will often hear snippets of stories or information at home and wonder what is going on. While it may feel easier or safer to shield your child from the news or information associated with troubling things like the COVID19 pandemic, hiding this information will deny your child the opportunity to build their own voice and express their feelings and understanding of the situation.
Without clear and comprehensible information from the important adults in their lives (you), your children will still hear things, and will form their own impressions based on their limited understandings or misunderstandings about the situation. This can then lead to excessive worry, fear and anxiety. Open communication about the situation is key. Encourage your child to ask questions and share their thoughts and feelings. This will help them navigate the situation and respond appropriately.
Home Independence-Building Strategies
In addition to the above, you could also try the following things to develop independence:
- Encourage and praise effort (even if they don’t complete the task as well as you would)
- Include all family members and remind them that everyone plays a part in running the household
- Promote problem solving and encourage your child to explore ways that they can ‘fix’ their own problem, rather than jumping in
- Work with your child on learning something new each week
- Allow your child to make the small choices (there are hundreds in a day ie. Vegemite or ham on your sandwich) and be patient as they work through the process
- Provide a structured routine so your child can try new things with a bit of reassurance
- Talk through the steps of your decision making to model this process for your child.
With the right information, support and encouragement, your child will have the building blocks to make independent decisions both in and out of the home. It is not easy letting go of all the things you do for your child, especially in challenging times. But giving your child a chance to make mistakes, to voice their opinions and explore their choices is like a never-ending gift that will support them throughout their life.
And remember, if your child needs a little more help with their independence, talk to us. By helping your child improve their cognitive, physical, sensory, and motor skills; we can enhance their self-esteem and sense of accomplishment and help them become functional little people ready to tackle all sorts of challenges.
